Just Thinking out Loud: Sharing your Truth

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Facing your truth

The past couple weekends have found me in a place of reflection on what a few of my friends want. Its not easy to listen to folks you love share over and over the same problems and situations and hurts and keep quiet. Okay, truthfully I do give my thoughts and observations and many times I’m the devil’s advocate.

Looking back I had a light bulb moment where I finally understood that everyone is where they want to be. What they want from me is consistent loyalty, and maybe not advice or my thoughts /opinions when requested. They want me to say what they want to hear. They want someone to help them validate their unhappiness or their choices. I can’t do it.

As I shared with one of my friends – if you’re in a relationship which is causing you pain, you’re committing suicide. Its all self induced because we have the natural sense to know when we need to safeguard ourselves. Fight or flee? You have to choose one because as long as you stay in a toxic situation it will kill you at some point. Or maybe the other person involved will do the killing. I know it sounds dramatic and harsh, but waiting for something bad to happen is like being an accessory to the dramatic and sometimes fatal ending.

Some people just need a friend to listen to them complain, gripe, get angry, blow a fuse, get crazy mad, feel sad, whine, lie to themselves, tell themselves the truth, make a choice, change choices, get messed up, pray with, lean on, laugh with, learn with, love with and a whole set of emotions.
Friendships are hard because they test our ability to know when to tell the truth and when to lie. Don’t doubt there are times your friends want you to lie to them because they live with their truth and sometimes tell you the lie.
So for all my friends, please know we are in this imperfectly flawed world together. I choose my road, and I respect the road you choose. I may not be able to tell you the lie, and the truth may hurt, but I sure love being your friend, and we got to live with our realities. So maybe if we have each others backs, we can be a better bench to lean on when the truth is shared.

Just thinking out loud.
Be blessed and encouraged

Thank you for reading, sharing and understanding!

© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Just Thinking Out Loud: Don’t Be My Valentine

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Its that time again, and I’m just thing out loud for those who are celebrating the occasion!

Don’t Be My Valentine

I’m not looking for roses,
Don’t send me a bouquet.
I’m not feeling for your chocolates
Don’t get me started on even a cake
I’m not feeling for the date night
Nor the sentiments of love
Why do you wait on Valentines Day
To give me all the above?

I’m not feeling for your phone call
To ask me out, for dinner this time
I’m not waiting for a special song
The one, that says “you’ll always be mine”
I’m not trying to be difficult
Really, I’m not sure you can see
Why do you wait for Valentines Day
To say – I love you, my boo, my baby?

I’m not going to try to tell you
About all the days you made me cry
I’m not even going to give you
One more reason, to stay at my side
I’m still the person you met so long ago
The one you promised to be faithful to
Why should I wait for just one day
To hear you love me too?

To all of those who are celebrating
And happy to spruce up and get dressed
To all the loving couples
Who are somehow today feeling blessed
I’m not trying to rain on your parade
I just want this love you feel to be
Much more than a single celebration
Of a commercial, happy meal

It’s not the things that he will give you
Or the way she makes you feel
Its not the things he says he can do
Nor the way she lives your dreams
Its about a love that can find forgiveness
Comfort and compromise
Its about a love which will withstand challenges
In the face of all that brings tears to your eyes
Its about the sustaining love that goes beyond
The treasure of one time
If you can’t share the things right above
Don’t be my Valentine!

If this post resonates with you, lets share some love and comments with each other #LoveBeyondValentines

D-wordslayer

Credits: Photo – newhairstlyesfor men – free Bing pics
© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

The Value Of A Hug

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The way it presents itself…

The world looks on as the United States of America appears to be in self destruction mode. One day it was a world leader of hope, justice, truth, and many positives. The next it was everything we have been taught to hate with autocratic and totalitarian governing. Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin and Benito Mussolini, are examples of the type of governments from history’s past which lead totalitarian states.

Through it all there are the victims of ‘Hatred Leadership’. There are people who lose their lives because they live in the wrong place at the wrong time. What happens to these victims when they get all the curveballs of hate thrown at them? What happens to those looking on, unsure if their own lives are safe from what they see.

Please if only for a moment share a prayer for those who need it including ourselves. I’ve included some verses written on sharing a hug in the link below. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated!

The Value Of a Hug

Thanks you for sharing your time with me on this blog.

Dwordslayer

 

 

Surrendering to Courage

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We belong

This was written a number of weeks ago, and maybe its the time to be published. Right now ‘courage’ is needed more than before in my lifetime and maybe yours. I have a vested interest in this world, and so do you. We live here. We breathe here. We belong here, whatever color , creed, race, religious belief, social status, political belief, and the rest.

It takes all that I have and then some more to have courage sometimes. No one can claim to have weathered a storm without experiencing courage. A lion does not have to be courageous unless he has to protect his loved ones or himself. What does it mean to have courage in the face of adversity and is it something one can have when one surrenders?

Finding our courage

Imagine with me – a man leaves his family and goes to work daily and patrols the streets as a policeman. He is prepared for adversity and criminal elements. One day he is faced with a decision to save a civilian, and may need to distract the criminal and pull the person to safety. He is trained to make a decision and does this automatically. The civilian is saved, he overpowers the bad guy and is lauded for his courage displayed in executing his duty. It may have gone another way and he could have lost his life. In the line of duty he could have saved the civilian and lost his own life. Whatever the outcome his courage should be lauded.

Stay with me as you imagine –  a mother raising her children alone, not prepared for single parenthood but doing it anyway. She does a good job working and providing, nurturing and protecting. Can executing her role be considered courageous? Then imagine – the mother protecting her  children from an intruder to keep them safe, ensuring none are injured. Lets assume she lost her life while protecting her children, has she displayed courage?

Now finally, look at yourself , do you see the lion within prepared or unprepared for courageous action? Hmmm, I’d like to believe if called on we can have the courage to carry out our convictions and responsibilities. Will we protect others the way we would our family instinctively. In a blink, things change, and we are called upon to act. Our reaction, in my opinion is determined by our surrender to our courage within!

Serving others and ourselves

Sometimes there is no distinction between a call to action for serving others, and a call to action for serving self. It can never be a fair trade for one man to give his life for another based on duty and another based on love.

For all the servicemen and women in my country and the world, your courage and courageous actions are remarkable, and I thank you. I remember you today, because maybe your loved ones won’t see you when I am with my own. So thank you for your courage and consideration.

Sometimes we need to surrender ourselves as an act of courage? Is that possible? Sometimes our attitudes, and ideologies need to be surrendered for us to be empowered with the courage to do what’s right and not hide behind what’s wrong. Maybe some convictions are taken by those without courage because it is an easy compromise. We all have it – courage, but it stays hidden until we let it out!

In a world where all we see is war, I pray for peace, love, and everyone.

Thank you for reading. If it resonates with you please share. Your thoughts on this post are greatly appreciated. When we share with each other we can gain insights and even courage!

© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

 

 

Are We Losing Christmas?

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A Christmas Past

I can remember how wonderful the Christmases of my past were, and the warmth and love for the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He was the reason for the season. His birth was a joyous time and a very happy event. We would sing carols, hymns and songs that were uplifting and inspired hope. There was significance in the rainbow of colors which filled every hall and every celebration party. There were streamers and banners, even balloons, professing “Merry Christmas”, “Unto Us a Savior is born”, and many other words which kept us focused on the reason for the season.

I’m thinking out loud because my heart is disturbed. When did our churches become so sophisticated that they removed the color and the reason for the season? When did the celebration turn into a somber event of black and white or muted colors, all to do with color scheme and not the happiness of this time of the year? When did the Christmas tree become obsolete, and the lights and festive energy become a dark and dismal event with folks queuing up to eat and leave? Maybe I was standing at the doorway of the wrong place, and looking at a new expression of joy…hmm felt joyless. Yes there was chatter, and most were resplendent in their very best dark garb, but where was Christmas? Maybe fashion and design has managed to push things in a different direction, or maybe I’m on a different street, and its time to seek the lights of Christmas past.

I thought the Grinch had won. All the signs were there, and just look at the results. Thankfully I am awake, and I can remember a time when gatherings and celebrations were less about ‘a look’ and more about ‘the life’. I will share a memory I shared last year with you. You don’t need much to celebrate at Christmas, you can be happy with whatever you are blessed to have!

A Childhood Memory

My mother did not believe in hording. Throughout the year she would sew and make most of our new clothes on weekends – the others were from the ‘jumble sales'(previously used clothes) she visited. Christmas though was a time to clear out the closets and the ‘hand-me-down’ saga began!

As the second child new was a novelty experienced mainly during the Christmas season. we were encouraged help fold and pack the clothes after washing to take to the nearest orphanage. When my mom was sick we were sent there for a few months, which included a Christmas. I must have been around six at the time.

I can remember all the little beds in the dormitory for girls separated by a mini cabinet. I thought it was fun to stay there with the nuns while my mom recovered from her illness. She was a teacher at a Catholic School and they took care of their own! We lived with rules, shared clothes and sometimes sadness. That Christmas my dad came from wherever he was and visited. To my little mind, I thought Santa had sent him early for me. He left after a brief visit and I thought that’s what dads did for a long time. Still I was happy, in this big clean beautiful place where nuns ruled but loved us.

The only time Santa visited me was at that orphanage from my recollections! He came on the firetruck and gave everyone hugs and ‘big’ gifts! Can’t remember what I got but it was good.

We went to church on Christmas day and had our toys blessed in prayer, and an opportunity to show -off I think!

I can also draw from the depths of my memories the treasured feeling of love, hope and happiness whatever the circumstances. Whenever I think of Christmas I think of giving, and have had to learn how to receive. There is so much joy in being the giver, it makes receiving pale in comparison. Yet, the real joy in giving is a happy receiver. Thus the meeting of a child and a woman has finally joined, to understand Christmas! 

When the world changes, we must adapt without losing the joy and the beauty of the Christmas season.

Have a Merry Christmas !

D-Wordslayer

Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Culture & Christmas Trini Style!

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My thoughts are on Christmas…

I love the Christmas season. Actually, one of the most important and best parts of the season is our food. We have fantastic food which most homes will prepare to serve families and friends as they visit going from house to house. This season is about the richness of relationships and how we connect annually. There is a lot of love being shared, either through gift giving or hugs , kisses, and time spent. The poor and displaced are not left out as people dig deep to give everyone some Christmas cheer. I do wish Christmas was every day.

Here is a post I shared last year on one of my blogs, to show you just how much fun my Christmas past was, and my present is in Trinidad & Tobago.

Christmas Nostalgia – A Lime aka Informal Hangout!

Its a ‘Trini thing’ with a Trini meaning – Lime!
Growing up we learnt the value of togetherness through celebrations. A lime is simply the coming together of persons to share a few drinks and ‘shoot some breeze’ (talk)! At Christmas time its a bigger occasion, which tends to turn an ‘informal hangout’ aka ‘lime’ into party with family and friends, neighbors and children. There is music, talk, even card games and dancing. Everything is done in the home, in the backyard, or in front on the porch or stairways! As kids we were always given a piece of cake, sweetbread, ham & turkey slices and if lucky a ‘pastelle’!

 The ‘pastelle’ is a cornmeal patty cooked in banana leaves. Its a tradition to stuff this corn-cake with a meat filling and wrap in the banana leaf and boiled. Its then frozen for use throughout the season. Its served warm with a special mustard sauce called ‘chow chow’. We were given the tasks of washing the leaves and ‘singeing then over the fire for softening and cleaning with the heat! In searching for a picture of pastelles I discovered a great recipe on the link http://www.simplytrinicooking.org via Google. The picture is also from that site.

Liming requires drinking and that’s when the liquor cabinet gets tested. There are beers, whiskey, rum,vodka, ponche de creme, sorrel and ginger beer to name a few. I was always happy to get a ‘taste’ of ponche de creme as it was made with milk and rum and some aromatic Angostura bitters. My mom thought it was okay for us to get a little if we were good during the season! To this day enjoy a glass whenever offered!

As Children we were given the tasks to peel the sorrel leaves off the seed and fill a bowl. The sorrel was then rinsed and boiled with spice and clove and sugar! The grating of the ginger for the ginger-beer was something I did not like doing, but did it anyway, because I loved the sweet burning sensation of the drink!

Every lime has music and there is a steady mixture of carols, parang, soca and calypso to keep everyone entertained. Children were allowed to stay up late during the ‘lime’ at Christmas as it was a special time. We learnt a lot about the value in sharing and ‘living’ with other people during the Christmas season – the other people being family and friends who stayed over not wanting the lime to end. Life was simple and children simply accepted the easy joy of the festivities!

img_20151226_181400Yes my friends, this year I will be making pastelles  which I have not done for a couple years. The process takes time but the results are worth the effort!
What is a cultural experience you enjoy in your country? As you think about it, that smile and joy is sure to warm your heart as it does my own! I’m in the Caribbean, so we have a lot of sun and rain, and though there is no snow, we all share this season of love in a special way!
Happy Christmas season!
D-wordslayer
Credits: *Special credit to GoogleTT for the photo of pastelles from http://www.simplytrinicooking.org
Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Christmas Then & Now

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Thinking Christmas…

This Christmas like every other Christmas is special. In Trinidad & Tobago, Christmas is our spring cleaning season. The smell of paint and the sound of women negotiating with storekeepers for the best deals on drapery and curtains are a part of the  preparation. We are caught up in the commercial web, but somehow the consumerism gives way to friendly camaraderie as shoppers meet and exchange ideas.

Christmas trees, decorations and music fill the air. We are a vibrant people, and very visual with our emotions. The malls, streets, and every city center is buzzing with activity. For me, getting the house ‘ready’ for entertaining and festivities seems like a mountain looking at a pebble on the beach. Can I ever finish, and will each day last longer than the last so I can do more with the time given? I am savoring these moments.

Things are different when ‘time’ goes by quickly. My babies are big babies, and they have their own ideas about the holidays. As I listen and look at then, I am reminded of who I was many years ago, and how I was too busy to enjoy the precious moments presented. Now, I wish to wait. I desire in my heart for each season to slowly release its essence and fill each room and space with an aroma. I am no longer, hastily awaiting the end, but I am enjoying the beginning of each day, and season.

My feelings for Christmas have evolved.I appreciate more what I grew up with. Here are my thoughts shared last year on a Christmas memory;

” The entire Christmas season as I remember it from childhood was filled with noise. There were squeals of laughter, and lots of shouting and some tears. Overall, the house -my home was warm with love and cheer. Even in times when there was little money for much, my mom somehow made the home warm especially at Christmas.

She was and is an amazing woman – my mom – Maricita Moreno Eversley. “It is what is in the heart and not the material things which bring joy” , this is what I remember from her. It is what I practice today. It is the tradition of sharing and enjoying what you have, and not thinking about what you don’t have. It is living with the warmth within you and not seeking what others may have on the outside.

On Christmas day I felt that warmth in my home  last year. The fires keep burning, as the laughter of my children (grown -up), friends and ‘borrowed’ grand-kids  fill the air! How wonderful this season of love!”

What are your memories of Christmas? What does it mean to you? For me it all boils down to family and love. This is what comes to my heart when I think of Christmas. We are the family of Jesus Christ and he was to us on this earth, in love!

Thanks for sharing, commenting and being a part of this season with me!

img_20151226_163408-1Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content