Just Thinking out Loud: Sharing your Truth

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Facing your truth

The past couple weekends have found me in a place of reflection on what a few of my friends want. Its not easy to listen to folks you love share over and over the same problems and situations and hurts and keep quiet. Okay, truthfully I do give my thoughts and observations and many times I’m the devil’s advocate.

Looking back I had a light bulb moment where I finally understood that everyone is where they want to be. What they want from me is consistent loyalty, and maybe not advice or my thoughts /opinions when requested. They want me to say what they want to hear. They want someone to help them validate their unhappiness or their choices. I can’t do it.

As I shared with one of my friends – if you’re in a relationship which is causing you pain, you’re committing suicide. Its all self induced because we have the natural sense to know when we need to safeguard ourselves. Fight or flee? You have to choose one because as long as you stay in a toxic situation it will kill you at some point. Or maybe the other person involved will do the killing. I know it sounds dramatic and harsh, but waiting for something bad to happen is like being an accessory to the dramatic and sometimes fatal ending.

Some people just need a friend to listen to them complain, gripe, get angry, blow a fuse, get crazy mad, feel sad, whine, lie to themselves, tell themselves the truth, make a choice, change choices, get messed up, pray with, lean on, laugh with, learn with, love with and a whole set of emotions.
Friendships are hard because they test our ability to know when to tell the truth and when to lie. Don’t doubt there are times your friends want you to lie to them because they live with their truth and sometimes tell you the lie.
So for all my friends, please know we are in this imperfectly flawed world together. I choose my road, and I respect the road you choose. I may not be able to tell you the lie, and the truth may hurt, but I sure love being your friend, and we got to live with our realities. So maybe if we have each others backs, we can be a better bench to lean on when the truth is shared.

Just thinking out loud.
Be blessed and encouraged

Thank you for reading, sharing and understanding!

© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Just Thinking Out Loud: #LIFEGOALS

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What are your #LIFEGOALS …

Writing today, from another perspective of my life.

Many of us are over forty. Yes. In this world there are many folks over forty, especially in my following of friends, associates and bloggers. We are either at the peak of our life goals cycle or working on getting there. We have so many experiences we’re either jaded cynics or filled with more hopes and possibilities of a life filled with failures and truths. While age is just a number, experiences tell the story of time spent.

Last night as I lay in my bed trying to touch every point of its emptiness, life and goals decided to take up residence in some open spaces! I don’t feel lonely in my bed, but I feel alone in my home. The home was a goal fulfilled, and the bed well that’s a discussion for another post! As I normally do when I lay down to sleep I think of my children and my choices. I pray for the blessing of their continued lives and safety, and I thank God for them.

One of the biggest goals in my life was for my children to grow up to be adults and to be around to see this. That was a life goal fulfilled, and I gave them the best opportunities and life I could as a parent. I don’t measure my accomplishments based on what odds were stacked against me. Life as a single parent was just another day in the choices I made – not a status to be used as an excuse or a celebration, simply a choice.

When you stand at the crossroads for your own #LIFEGOALS  it really is all about you. Your goals are all you. I wanted to be an entrepreneur – done it, and ongoing. I wanted to be heavily involved in branding and international trade – done it, hoping for ongoing. I wanted to help revive a failing company, done it. I wanted to create markets for what appeared impossible, done it. I really wanted to be exposed to the impossible and get a shot at making a positive improving difference, and I sure got what I wanted. I desired to help others, and its ongoing. I desired to help non-profits gain financial and other support, and that too is ongoing. My list goes on and on with the things accomplished. The things not accomplished is another list that matters but I’m realizing the burning passion to get them done does not burn as intensely.

So yes, what are my life goals now which will fill me with an intense desire for accomplishment? I’m working on this. At the next junction of my life there must be something which will help to qualify my obsession, the daily blessing called ‘my life’.  We all measure ourselves at sometime. My harshest critic is myself. I sometimes wonder if I’ve set my self actualization bar soo high, its unattainable. Unrealistic expectations can be a source of frustration and eventually hold us back from real opportunities. There must be realism when planning for our needs, or the bubble of fictitious hope will pop, leaving disillusionment and broken self-esteem.

Our careers and professional lives do tend to be a priority, based on our economic needs and wants. Everything else comes second or third priorities, and before you know it life ends. In my own life my career became a priority early on and now while its still important there is a subtle shift as the children are leaving the nest. Its almost empty.  My spiritual, health, and social needs are surfacing more. My sense of civic duty and humanity are all bigger priorities which compete for goal status in the planning process. Thus my question to me and you is one based on the present – When you think about your #LIFEGOALS does it reflect what you want and desire, or what will please others?

I’m just thinking out loud, and grateful to share with my world during my life! If this resonates with you, please let me know, share , and encourage others to consider #LIFEGOALS

© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

 

A time of reflection

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Reflecting…

” The biggest part of who we are is sometimes who we are not!” (Eversley,DL. 2016)

Last year I wrote a post called “An Act Of Contrition…Renewing Me”, and published via LinkedIn Pulse. This year, as I read the post a lot of its truth still resonates. I have changed, my body is healing, and my spiritual core is being strengthened daily, but I am in essence the same. Reflecting on the words this year, has a lot more impact than last year. Maybe it is because, I have found the person I am will not change because of the circumstances around me. No I am me, and that person grows like a flame, when inspired by the miracle of life and living.

The post is shared below:

Sometimes to find the light within you need to move the junk covering your glow!

A few years ago I did a tour of Harrison’s Caves in Barbados – that’s a shot from inside above. Its a limestone cave which is quite beautiful to enter and go through. There is that feeling of discovering the light deep below the surface, covered in darkness. Hidden treasures waiting to be seen.

This year, I’ve had a lot to process. My heart, mind, body and soul needs to empty some stuff which can cause stress and clog the arteries of life.

Years ago growing up, I was a part of a family of Catholics (a religion) who prayed weekly together while at church on Sundays. It was seen as the correct thing to do, without really understanding why. There were the confessions which were feared, as I wished to avoid a very long list of devotionals to repeat as part of my repentance. I do remember feeling free after my penance was completed, but I always had many to do.

There were times I thought I would outsmart God and not tell him everything, because how would he really know my mind? It never worked, I simply gave in, afraid, the priest would know of my additional sin of lying to his boss!

As I sit here these memories come back to taunt me. Recalcitrant childish behavior is not seen only in children. The news shows a lot of politicians and famous public personalities engaging in behavior not acceptable in a child. What should their penance be, or is it okay for adults to do what we punish our children for?

Scanning social media every day makes it very clear, that maybe I was punished too harshly. I had to confess about telling my mom I took the candy she asked me not to take at 6 years old. I got suspended for calling my teacher names because I did not get my own way in class and I was only 11 years old. I even had a lot of penance for talking to the boys from the boy school next to my girl school. I had so much penance my name is probably in the ‘good book of saints’! I look at politicians trumping away with divisive language, increasing rage, fear, and I wonder will they ever have to say ‘an act of contrition’! 

I will be letting it all out – my feelings of contrition for bad behavior this year. I do hope it can be expelled through cleansing  and asking for forgiveness. I’ve had quite a lot of anger, hate, and enormous feelings to cause pain to those who hurt me in the recesses of my mind. There have been a lot of tantrum moments with my family as I adjusted to healing.  I’ve even been so bold as to say some harsh words at times to folks who say they “understand my hurt and it will pass, it will be okay.” How would they know, not being me? So yes, I was a bad girl and most times the platitudes were not appreciated when given – but I appreciate them now!

I’m also sorry for telling the folks at the government agencies that I know they are doing their best, when I actually thought otherwise. I’m sorry for being sweet and patient and kind – a real picture of diplomacy, when I really wanted to tell the truth about my feelings! I’m sorry for lying to myself by exercising patience and restraint with all those world leaders on behalf of my beloved refugees. I’m sorry for complacency, and compromising on some of my beliefs – accepting less than what I am due.

If I were to be given penance, it would be quite long, I’m sure. The politicians of the world do make me look like an angel but two wrongs do not make it right. I’m responsible for my actions and hope they share similar feelings during quiet moments. Reflective action is good.

I’m clearing the things that block out my light, so once more my heart is easier to see when looking in the mirror.

Now I am free, to forgive, move on and fill that wonderful empty space with happiness, hope and creativity! I’m not bitter, and I am certainly not sad. I am free, and I wish the same for you. I have hope, joy and opportunities I am still unaware of. My glass is filling with something great; I wish the same for you!

Lets get the rubbish out of the house called ‘self’ and burn it till the ashes are seen no more. Lets refresh, renew and accept our act of contrition to ourselves. Accepting our truth, and not being afraid to be bold in who we are. I am definitely ready for tomorrow, and I’m walking into my sun once more!

The Present

As I read the comments once more, the value of comments and interactions are highlighted. Everyone has something of value to add, whether in agreement or not. You can check out the original post here, if you wish, and you may find your own thoughts reflected.

Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts through liking and commenting. If it resonates please share with your network, family and friends.

Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content