A mama’s truth
Parenting is hard. There are no manuals that tell you what to do to be the best parent for the child you birth. The only thing you know is this human being is dependent on you for a long time. No two children are the same. Actually the differences in children in the same home can be quite startling. Nevertheless, as a parent, for many of us, the learning never ceases. We build up expectations, hopes, dreams and fantasies of success and grandeur on many levels for all our babies. We love our children. I love my sons and beautiful daughter with my all. They are more precious than silver and gold. Indeed, the miracle of their life is a blessing beyond measure.
I’ve written about my sons previously, but I’d like to share about my daughter, and the complex relationship we have.
She’s a girl
She is headstrong. She loves to read, and is an incredible writer. My baby girl is smart, and loves doing makeup on herself, and is great with eyebrows. She has developed a sense of style, and enjoys getting her hair styled and being ‘on point’. She is great with the science and literary subjects, and initially thought she wanted to be a doctor. Presently, she is working until she figures out what her career path will be.
My daughter, my baby, does not like me, or my rules much at this time. I’m quite sure she has never liked my rules, and can find me intolerable on occasions. She does share her feelings on what she believes a mother is and should be, and I have been getting a failing grade for a long time. I’m not sure if I can ever be the mother she wishes for, but I am the mom she has.
If you feel shocked, as you get to this point, then, just think back to your own rebellious days, or your present. Our children are not ‘made to order’,nor are we who they wish for as they develop into adults, sometimes. Life can be like a field of thorns. Difficult to stand up, when every move can bring pain. I understand this, but standing up and walking on the prickly field, is a part of my parental journey. Eventually, the bed of roses will be there, waiting. The final destination, whenever it comes, will not be something you want to be around for. Hopefully, a child outlives their parents. This is my hope.
The relationship we share, as I mentioned is not smooth. There was a time a long time ago, I thought she was happy with me. Right now, I’m ‘persona non grata’, and her perceptions of me are not good. We both have trust issues. We both feel strongly. I hope that we can both love each other through the adversities, both real and imaginary. This is life.
Looking back, then forward
Growing up and entering my teenage years, was different to what children go through now. As I listen to my eldest son share on my thoughts from the past, and the realities of the present for my daughter, our differences are really similar, just presented in a different way. He has wisdom beyond his years, and is a spoonful of reality when needed.
As parents our first instinct is to protect, and the next is to provide. Sometimes we have let go sooner than we want to, and at other times we may need to release them even when we don’t think it’s wise. I am reminded regularly of the upcoming twenty year birthday and how much more ‘others’ can do in her world.
As far as relationships go, this is the most important one in my life at this moment, and it takes two to make it work and get better. I will keep trying, praying and maybe one-day soon, the bridge between us will be strong enough to weather any storm. As long as we have life we have hope, and I am happy for this.
My dear readers, some stories are layered so deep beneath the surface we need to dig constantly to get to the core. Whatever your own story, always remember each new day brings another chance to work on you. This is the yin and yang of life, and maybe the stories we hide, because the world needs to see the beautiful stories which hide reality. Be true. Keep it real.
Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER with appropriate and specific direction to the original content